Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
