his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
