the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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