No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
