I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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