vagina is talking i cant
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
