i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
