I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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