woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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