do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
