dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
