first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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