I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
