I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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