and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
