Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
