Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
