dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
