she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
