is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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