I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
