I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
