My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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