You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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