i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
