You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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