Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
