my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I understand Curling. That high.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
