he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
