I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
This is my gift to your gina
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
