I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
