Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
