i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
