do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
