Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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