My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
