either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
