Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
