Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm passing your future prison.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
