do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize