You're so nebulous sometimes
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
