Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
