We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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