Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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