you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
