I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
no, he came in my armpit
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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