do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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