its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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