You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
