I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
