You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
