i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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