names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
