quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
