Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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