There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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