you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
