so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
