We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He has the fingertips of a God
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