is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
