Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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